Today we’re celebrating our 300th episode of The Creating Wealth Show and wish to thank our loyal listeners and all of our fantastic guests who have made this show a success! We’re looking forward to many more episodes, with many more opportunities to inform, educate and help people with the best strategies for their businesses, investments and lives.
To honor our 300th episode, Jason Hartman interviews Dr. Judith Wright, author of The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You from the Life You Want, and co-author with her husband, Dr. Bob Wright, of Transformed!: The Science of Spectacular Living. Consider the various activities you partake in throughout the day or week…shopping, video games, Facebook, eating, watching TV, perhaps mindlessly biting our fingernails, browsing magazines or surfing the web. Judith explains the fine line between soft addictions that include coping skills and yearnings, and things we’re actually passionate about in our lives that help us live our best life. Soft addictions don’t necessarily kill us, but they can kill our chance for a deeper, more connected and satisfying life. Judith provides signs of some of these soft addictions that rob us of time, energy, money, love and more, and encourages people to learn the “Four Loving Truths.” This provides a smooth segue into Drs. Judith and Bob Wright’s new book, Transformed! Listen at: www.JasonHartman.com/podcast.
Judith is hailed as a peerless educator, world-class coach, lifestyles expert, inspirational speaker, best-selling author, and corporate consultant. She is called one of America’s Ultimate Experts”. She has appeared on more than 400 radio stations and 70 TV programs, including ABC’s 20/20, Oprah, Good Morning America, the Today show, Fox & Friends, and Mantel. Her work has been featured in magazines and newspapers across the country, including Marie Claire, Fitness, and Health as well as The Chicago Tribune, The New York Daily News, and The Detroit Free Press. Judith is also the author of The One Decision.
Judith is an energetic, charismatic, and engaging speaker, and has an audience appeal that transcends age, culture, gender, and occupation. An expert in areas like relationships, creative conflict, work productivity, Judith’s latest venture is as president of The Wright Graduate Institute for the Realization of Human Potential, which she co-founded with her husband Dr. Bob Wright.
Female Voice: Welcome to Creating Wealth with Jason Hartman. During this program Jason is going to tell you some really exciting things that you probably haven’t thought of before and a new slant on investing, fresh new approaches to America’s best investment that will enable you to create more wealth and happiness then you ever thought possible. Jason is a genuine, self made multi-millionaire who not only talks the talk but walks the walk.
He’s been a successful investor for twenty years and currently owns properties in eleven states and seventeen cities. This program will help you follow in Jason’s footsteps on the road to financial freedom. You really can do it. And now, here’s your host, Jason Hartman with the complete solution for real estate investors.
Jason Hartman: Welcome to the Creating Wealth Show. This is your host, Jason Hartman and I am very happy to say that this is episode number 300. Three hundred episodes of the show so far. Thanks so much for your support and for uh, telling your friends and families and co-coworkers about the show and spreading the word. And it’s just been a great ride for the last 300 episodes. So, we’re glad to have you here today.
As you regular listeners know, our tenth show, we go off topic and we — you know, I really should clarify, we go off topic for the guest portion of the show because we’ve got a couple of business things to talk about here, as they relate to finance, investment and economics, and it also happens to be as we’re recording this, Valentine’s Day. So, Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody, and I’ve got Steve here with me. We got a little thing we want to do talking about marriage and financial wealth, and also the best trade of the last twenty years before we get to our guest today, which is Dr. Judith Wright, who is going to talk about soft addictions and transformation.
So the soft addiction topic is pretty interesting, and when I say that, I don’t if you know what I mean but soft addictions are these little minor addictions that don’t really seem like a big deal but they kind of run our lives to some extent, and you’ll hear more about that when we have our guest on for this 300th episode and talk about soft addictions. But I think you’ll get a lot out of it. It was pretty interesting. Steve how are you doing?
Steve: Great, great. I’m honored to be a part of the 300th show. We’ve — we’ve got 300 under the belt here and still more to talk about. You just can’t shut us up.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, that’s for sure. We got — we got a lot to talk about and by the way, we’ve got the Steve Forbes interview coming up. I interviewed him last week, so we’ll play that here in the next couple of episodes, and we’ve got Jack Canfield and Mark Farber coming on the show. So, more big, big names.
Steve: Wow!
Jason Hartman: You might Know John Canfield from Chicken Soup for the Soul and a whole bunch of other books, and you know he’s done some great work. He’s got some fantastic books and he’s a — he’s a great speaker.
And then Mark Farber is known on CNBC as Mr. Bill and Gloom and so I guess those are some kind of opposite, aren’t they?
Steve: Yeah, they are totally. I didn’t know you had Farber coming on. He’s — I really like his stuff and it’s more credible because of the accent, of course.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, of course that accent does make him more credible. Yes, Americans love accents but it’s funny because I remember I used to have an assistant who was South African and she said — you know, she was a young gal, very attractive, and she said, Jason when you go visit South Africa the girls are going to fall in love with you and your accent.
You go down — you go down there with your accent and you will just — you will just have such a good time, and I’m like, I didn’t think I had an accent but I love their accent.
Steve: I know, it’s true, it’s — it’s all relative. My wife and I were on vacation in Fiji and there was a little girl in the pool who started talking to my wife and she was from Australia and my wife said, “I like your accent”, and her Mom came over and said, “You’re the one with the accent.”
Jason Hartman: Yeah. There you go. It’s all relative definitely, it’s all relative. Well hey, before we jump into it, we’re going to talk about marriage and how that effects financial success before we get to out guest, but I really want to play this CNBC video for the audience and it’s a few minutes long. So, just listen in but I think you will find this very enlightening. It was just released three days ago and it’s entitled The Best Trade of the Past Twenty Years, and I’m going to play it.
I might pause it and make a comment here and there, but I’ll probably play it right through and we’ll probably get about four– four and a half minutes of this video in and then we’ll quit it. It’s about five and a half minutes long but I don’t think we need to listen to the whole thing.
So, just to give proper attribution, this is from CNBC — CNBC.com. You can find the video there but it makes some — a great point. Now, what do they mean by the best trade in twenty years? Well, you know of course, CNBC focuses on stocks and trading and Bill Bonner of Agora Financial Fame and the Daily Reckoning, and you know, he’s written a couple of books. We’ve had a number two Agora — a guy — two shows, actually, Addison Wiggins and they’re a financial publisher. We’ve had a lot of different guests over the years and a lot of their different — their different writers. But we talk about the trade of the decade, and the trade of the decade in 2000, they predicted would be gold. And people that bought gold did not do better than — than people who bought good income property. But income property, being dependent on location and being dependent on the exact deal, you know and whether or not you were a buy and holder or a speculator, you income results certainly varied. The thing that’s so simple about gold is of course, it’s — it’s a one dimensional asset class. It doesn’t produce income, it doesn’t have tax benefits. You can’t finance it or at least not in any real way. I know there are sort of some schemes out there where you kind of can, but not in any real way, but it’s easy to quantify.
So, they predicted the trade of the decade and ten years later, they were right, and they were definitely right compared to stocks and the S&P and the NASDAQ all of that stuff, because you know, in ten years those did virtually nothing and then after inflation they actually lost value, but they said, the trade of the decade in 2010, they said that that would be — and forgive me maybe because I’m not going to remember this correctly, but I remember reading it in the Daily Record two and half — three years ago, and they said it would be to buy — I think they said buy Japanese bonds and — I don’t know if that one’s going to work out too well.
And they had one other part of that trade and I can’t remember what it is but you know, we should look that up and see if they’re — they’re going to this right. Again. So, CNBC here, that’s what I mean by the trade of the decade. Now, we made our own trade of a decade and we said, you know in 2010, the trade of the decade would be income property. And so far, we are turning out to be incredibly right about that, cash flow and income property being the trade of the decade, but this is going to be an interesting video. So, listen to it and we will of course, Steve comment after. I may actually pause it during if I feel we just got to have a comment. Okay?
Steve: That’s all right.
Jason Hartman: So, here we go. All right. Here we go.
Video Voice 1: Twenty years, I know people want to know what it is. Why don’t you tell them?
Video Voice 2: Well, I don’t know that it’s the greatest trade, but it’s a — it’s a good trade based on all the things we’re looking for. Varian play, market barriers’ pantry and missed prices. And — and so, when we look at a trade, we’re always just trying to figure out what is the best mis-pricing at the moment, and usually that follows some Governmental intervention, and today that happens to be foreclosed single family housing. And if — if you look at the arena in which we’re dealing, you have one hundred twenty million single families units that exist, and unfortunately for American –unfortunately for the average American, about six million of those one hundred twenty million are delinquent, default or foreclosed today. About six million have already been foreclosed upon. So, the delivery of how those foreclosed units, the shadow inventory that existed within the banking sector which was really the toxic waste dump for banking for a long time —
Video Male 1: Um hmm.
Video Male 2: — but how they get to resolve, leaves a beneficiary to those who can buy those assets below replacement cost. Rehabilitate them, lease them, manage them and provide an alternative for the average Americans to home ownership.
Jason Hartman: So, great point there. The opportunity to buy the — below replacement cost is disappearing very, very quickly, but that’s what our clients do. They — they get these properties through our local market specialists, the local market specialist handles the rehab for them in almost every case, not every single case, and then we help with the overseeing of the property management side of the business, and it’s just a — it’s just a great — it’s a great trade. Steve, any comments before we go back to the video?
Steve: Well, agreed, agreed. That’s funny to think of it as a trade. I never thought of it that way.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, yeah. And here we go back, okay.
Voice Male 2: You know, affordability is at the all time lowest because of subsidized interest rates?
Jason Hartman: No, he actually means affordability’s at the all time highest.
Steve: Right, right.
Jason Hartman: He had actually mis-spoke there. It actually is, and I’ve said this on a prior episode, the affordability index that is published by the National Association of Realtors is the highest it’s ever been since they started keeping track and I believe that was in the early ’70s, if I’m not mistaken. But here’s — here’s the – here’s the complexity about it, is that even though affordability is so good. It’s the highest it’s ever been, many people cannot qualify for those mortgages because the mortgages are tough to get.
So again, he’s going to talk here about providing rental housing to those people who can’t. There’s a lot of people that have really lost their credit score in the past few years in the financial crisis making it an even better opportunity for landlords. Here we go.
Video Male 2: Rental has an opportunity and an option for those that have had their credit impended or in credit purgatory because of delinquency or foreclosure or without down payment, rentals’ an option.
Video Male 1: We’re — we’re — we’re simply talking about buying up single family homes and renting them out as — as the or one of the greatest investment opportunities that you’ve seen in the last twenty years, and you’d been capitalizing on — on that.
Overall, is — does housing look as good to you as people say it is to us?
Male Voice: Well, that’s a tough question. The Fed has one major plan in its playbook, that is to print money by hitting a character on a typewriter. You use that printed capital to buy mortgage, vast securities and treasuries originate mortgage backed securities through GFCs and GFCs which are now in conservative shift that have cost us two hundred million since 2006.
Jason Hartman: So, it’s funny — Steve. Isn’t it funny how he says type something on a typewriter?
Steve: Yeah. [Laughter].
Jason Hartman: I thought that was funny. That means — that means go to the computer in the Fed and create money out of thin air, of course.
Steve: Click by click.
Jason Hartman: Like there’s a couple of nails clicks. I’ve often wondered if it’ a Mac or a PC. I’m just thinking that it’s a PC, but anyway [Laughter]. Uh, it’s a great money out of thin air.
And then he talks about the GCs, the government sponsored entities like Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac and they’re basically insolvent. I mean these are artificial interest rates. What a great opportunity because housing in the U.S. has been subsidized by the government since the great depression. So folks, remember that next time you ask me about international real estate investing and why I can’t find a better deal anywhere in the world because we’ve got a special thing in the U.S. that is just different than other countries. And — and once again, believe me, I’ve looked. Okay, I’ve looked, I’ve looked. I’m speaking at a conference in Central America next month, and I know all of those people there, a lot of them will be Americans are going to ask me about international real estate. And the US, just has a very favorable scenario as far as income property investments.
Steve: You’re absolutely right and people need to stop complicating it. It — it is really very simple. You can hear in that communion’s voice on CNBC where — where you know he says what, you’re talking about buying foreclosures and renting them? That’s it? That’s — that’s the trade century? Yeah, it is.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, yeah. Well the trade of the past twenty and — and I think easily for the next ten to twenty years, because regardless of what happens in the economy, you just know with the sixty to one hundred twenty trillion dollar entitlement time bomb coming at us, the government’s going to inflate their way out of the debt. There’s only like three people that are saying this won’t happen. Out — out — out of there it’s like everybody else can see the writing on the wall. One’s Harry Dent and Bob Prector and then you get a couple of these other economists that are really into the whole, oh, the government does a great job type of thing. The mad thing — the likely story is we’re going to have massive inflation.
Steve: And you’ve got the philosophy of — of many people who think that, you know, well the banks aren’t doing anything with the money, therefore there won’t be any inflation but what are they just going to do nothing, perpetually?
Jason Hartman: They can’t do — money always comes off the sidelines and that’s what we’re seeing by the way. We’re seeing that right now. We’ve been seeing that for the past year and a half. Money does not want to rest. Money hates to rest, it hates to be sleepy and that’s why I say to our investors on a personal level, if you have equity in your home, you have sleepy money. You have lazy money. That money is doing nothing for you. This time of year we’re all getting these 1099 interest statements in the mail, right, or 1098s too, showing what did our stock accounts do? How much money did our bank accounts pay us in interest? Well, that’s like nothing.
What did we make off of these other investments? What do we have to report to the government? Okay. Let me — let me ask you this listeners, if you have equity in your house, did you get a 1099 statement showing the income you made from that equity. In other words, the metric that is used sometimes in commercial real estate called return equity, I think that is a — that’s faulty metric. It doesn’t really exist. Return equity is not a real thing, because the property will perform the same way in terms of price appreciation or depreciation regardless of how much equity, and it will generate the same amount of gross income regardless of the equity you have on the property.
Okay. In fact, I say that it will produce more money in many cases if you have less equity, because when you have a higher payment or higher debt service on that property, you’re going to charge more on rent. You’re going to be a better landlord. You’re going to raise your rents more aggressively. Okay. So, you know we’ve talked about these things in past episodes, but let’s get back to the video here, okay.
Male Voice: In return of the GSEs go to the originating banks and encourage them to originate single family mortgages of low interest rates that can then be bottled in a mortgage [inaudible] securities and thus provide affordability to a home owner, not the sacristy of housing but the availability of credit. So, [inaudible] stocks and certainly there is great because when our toll all of the big national home builders have benefited from deferred taxes, so they have big losses that bring those taxes forward ad from curtain value of they’re un-using their unused [inaudible] of lots. I think the manufacturing of the houses is very simple. The creation of a lot is very complicated so I think the market correctly has interpreted return to confidence. You have a couple of million years.
Jason Hartman: Let me just mention what he — what I think he means by that. He says, the manufacturing of the house is a relatively a simple process but the creation of the lot is a difficult process. You know what that means to me? That means that it is tough to get land entitled for development in many areas and — because there are all these hoops you have to jump through with governmental things, environmental impact reports, soil testing. You might have clean up, you know, environmental clean up that has to happen before you can build on the land. It might be an Indian burial ground. There’s a zillion issues there with entitling this land.
So, the general manufacturing of a lot, you know, being difficult, but then constructing the house isn’t that difficult. However with inflation, those building materials they’re going to go up in price. Steve, do you have any comments about that one?
Steve: I agree one hundred — one hundred percent. That’s why you know, when we’re speculating those developers, the people that take it from raw dirt to an entitled lot that can actually be built on, when we’re talking about the flipping model, they’re usually the ones that make most of the money because that process is so difficult, there — and as you say, a lot of the times it’s the environmental constraints that are — are pushing down that organic supply or that organic demand that people who really want to do it, so that’s why in coastal areas, take San Francisco for example, many people speculate that that’s where the bubble economy originated with, you know heavy environmental influence and it was artificially restricting the — the supply there. And so — but you look at Dallas, Texas there’s land forever in every direction that is not so hard to entitle and get ready — get ready for a lot, and that’s why the markets that we’re in, like Dallas, have been historically a lot less volatile.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, a lot less risky because you don’t have this phony government intervention in the market place and I know all of the gamblers, they’re thinking — listening to this right now. Well, I want to invest in San Francisco because I can make big capital gains along the coastline of California. And look, I agree, you can but show me someone who can reliably predict appreciation, and remember, the key to the game — and we’re going to talk about this in a minute when we talk about the marriage issue, that’s coming up in just a moment here. But the key to the game is staying power and if you don’t have staying power, you are ultimately going to pay the piper and you’re going to get burnt, and I have seen it.
Remember, my — my whole career as an investor and as a real estate agent is in southern California in these high end markets like Irvine and Newport Beach. And I’ve made money in some and I’ve had some close calls in others. And I used to be able to say, well gosh, I never lost money on a real estate deal. And I — I probably still could say that. I’m not sure now, that’s why I don’t say it anymore. But I’m not totally sure, but when you — when you really look at the multi-dimensional aspects of it, I’m not sure I’ve never lost money in a real estate deal. If — if — if you’re looking at it like a simpleton, you might think so, but when you look at all things considered, you know, you usually just make out pretty well in that real estate, but people that are investing capital gains, they see these big price appreciations and they say, uh, the market’s going crazy. I’m making a fortune, but what you didn’t realize is that you were paying two or three thousands dollars a month in negative cash flow to carry that property during that time you speculated and it up in value and you didn’t know it was going to go up in value. You got lucky and I’ll give it you, I’d rather be lucky than good any day, but since I’m not always lucky, I’m just going to go with good. Okay.
Steve: Yeah, yeah. That’s a good idea.
Jason Hartman: That’s all we can bank on.
Steve: Yeah, it’s a two-edged sword because the GSE is like he’s talking about, they’re the ones that pump these bubbles up and yeah, I guess in theory you can write them up, but you can just as easily write them down because you don’t control it. It’s phony supply and demand. It’s not real.
Jason Hartman: It sure is. And then phony supply and demand is from environmental or governmental restrictions of some sort. Okay. Let’s finish up this video here.
Male Voice: And it’s a year for new housing formation, forget about the demographics. Now, I have a thirty year home. He’s not leaving the house. The — the combination of what’s happening in housing is something else, but for sure the lack of supply over the last five years, just cause and demand where affordability because of subsidized credit from the government is once again causing the hope of every American saying, not that I need a roof over my heard, but perhaps housing is a proxy for a creation or wealth that I’ll never have with my job.
Male Voice: Just a quick question, Tom, [inaudible] goods of the housing demands that I reel that you’re an investor and — and the houses have been going up. {Inaudible} is attributed to investment demand versus real demand? Is that really true, masking the housing recovery?
Male Voice: I think the answer’s yes and no. Rent — on the rental side acquisition of single family houses, for sure it’s been done by some great firms, yeah. Black Stone, Wayne Booths try public storage has a great vehicle. There are three or four great institutions who are buying, but housing has always been a debate between consumption and investment. Our Government asserts consumption. With CPI, you’ve got forty three percent of the CPI that’s based on the rental value of housing.
So I think, investor phenomenon has helped the economy and has taken that — that shadow inventory out of the banks along with regulatory capital rules, but for sure along with that comes the reservence of confidence. So, Phoenix home prices have gone up twenty two percent in twelve months. Is that because we were all there buying? For sure, but there were only fifty thousand housing units a year that the banks were producing to be bought. That produces some pressure on the individual that says, you know, I really want to buy a secondary house and now I don’t have the ability to do.
Jason Hartman: So there you go. Really interesting stuff, huh?
Steve: Yeah, yeah. It’s a very good point how much of it is investor driven. Many of these big firms are doing this but you know, like I said, it’s —
Jason Hartman: They’re not going to — they’re not going to stay in it. I just — it’s still my prediction, folks.
Steve: I have it on good authority they’re now. I actually — one that is buying some properties from our network was in town with a couple of our local market specialists, yesterday, and they had said very bluntly, yeah your brain can do for eighteen months then good luck to you. That’s their plan.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, the institutional investors and you’re — you’re representing a few of them and purchasing properties through our network, they’re just not — they’re just not going to like this business.
Steve: I don’t think so —
Jason Hartman: It’s too frightening for them to trust me. That’s my prediction, they’re going to mess it up. They’re gonna — they’re going to act like speculators. They’re gonna — they’re gonna take their money and cash out while they can.
Steve: That’s all they know how to do.
Jason Hartman: But the fact is, folks, people have bad credit now days and they need a place to live and whenever you hear about shadow inventory, ask yourself the question, look when — when a foreclosure occurs, that means someone became a renter. A renter was born that day when they moved out of that foreclosed property. So, people only look at one side of that equation. They’re so myopic. They — they think, oh, well there’s this entire shadow inventory. That’s going to push prices down. Okay, maybe, but what’s that person — there’s someone’s life that being affected at every point there. That person has to go and rent something that’s going to push rents up.
Steve: Yeah.
Jason Hartman: Muti-dimensional asset class.
Steve: Yeah it’s — you know and it’s true Jason, people are saying, well there’s less foreclosure, and — and I would submit well, that’s because there’s more short sales. Banks are — if they’re learning that a short sale is a better way to liquidate these properties then to go all the way through the foreclosure process. And so when a short sale is completed, another renter is born, and that person’s not getting a mortgage either.
Jason Hartman: Well, one of the biggest things I said and everybody seemed like they were predicting us wrongly and I think once again, I was one of the few voices out there and it was saying it correctly, and that is that when people were talking about all of these adjustable rate mortgages. They were talking about this title wave of adjustable rate mortgages that were going to adjust, because they knew the time they were going to adjust, and when they adjust, they thought oh, there’s going to be this massive foreclosure problem at that time, and that problem was far less severe than every other prognosticator except yours truly was saying, because they were looking at stats based on when those loans were originated and they knew if they were a three ARM, a five year ARM adjustable mortgage. They knew when they would adjust, true. But what they didn’t know is that the person had already sold the property, had already been foreclosed on before that, had already done a short sale before that, had already done a loan modification before that and no one was counting that. [Laughter]. And that’s exactly what you’re saying that there’s a mitigation factor that happens to shadow inventory and that was part of the shadow inventory. Call it — it just — it was never as big a deal as everybody said because of the reasons I just mentioned.
Nobody accounted for the pre-emptive mitigation issue. That’s what we’ll call it the pre-emptive mitigation issue and that’s what happened in real life.
Steve: Right, right. And plus two and a real quick comment, an article by Mr. Durtin today talks about that how the banks too have less of an incentive to push out the shadow inventory now, because by artificially restricting it, they’re getting more for what they do have put there, which sort of solves their reserves requirement and they don’t have to — you know, it’s their cycle. They don’t have to bleed it out as fast anymore. They are — they are withholding it on purpose, knowing what’s out there will climb in value due to the increased competition.
Jason Hartman: Absolutely, absolutely good point. Well, that’s the fictitious Mr. Dutin who writes on zero hedge Tyler Durden the character from the movie Fight Club. Hey, we’ve got to talk about this marriage thing real quickly. I’m single, you’re married, this is — it’s Valentine’s Day so, here we go.
Why married people tend to be wealthier? It’s complicated. [Laughter]. And — and this is an article from today, which is the NBC Show but of course they have a website, and there was an article posted on there about twenty four hours ago, and I thought this was kind of interesting because I generally think they’re right. I generally think that couples are wealthier than single people and there’s interesting factors that come into play there. What was your take on the article, Steve?
Steve: Well, I thought it was you know a pretty interesting point, but you know, you’re apparently going to be four times wealthier than a single person if you are happily married and that’s the key.
Jason Hartman: Big contingency there, happily is the key there.
Steve: Yeah, so just don’t just go to Vegas and ink a deal and magically think, oh, I’m four times wealthier. There’s plenty of work that goes into that four times wealthier, believe me. So —
Jason Hartman: What’s — what’s interesting is, these things are never as they seem on the surface and — and as we were chatting about the article while off air, one of the things I said is that I think generally, married people just feel more pressured because they might be planning on children, so they’re working harder. They — they think well oh gosh, I’m going to have some big obligations coming, or if they already have children, they think you know, college obligation, you know, which college?
I’m telling you. Go on YouTube and Google the movie or just Google the movie, just a little documentary called “The College Conspiracy”. College is largely a rip off. It’s just — it’s not what it used to be. Another discussion we’ve talked about it but they think well if they’re with no kids, they think, well you know, we’ve got to work really hard because we’re going to have kids. If there’s already kids we’ve got to work hard because we’ve got college or possible expenses or medical expenses or for whatever it is.
So generally speaking, that’s one of the reasons but you know Steve, I always say in my seminars when I’m doing Creating Wealth Boot camp, I always say that the biggest destroyer of wealth is the “D” word, it’s divorce. And that’s — that’s what really kills it for most people. So, try and stay married. It’s an important deal. If you’re married — if — if you want to have financial success, a big part of that financial success is avoiding divorce.
Steve: Yeah, it is and I think it is and — and I think going back to what you’re saying about pressure, I mean it’s kind of funny. I think back to when I was single and I — I kind of wonder, you know, what was I doing all the time, ’cause you know, I have to be much more efficient.
Now I know, you’re an exception. You’d, you know, stare out window at the ASU co-eds and it takes up a lot of your time.
Jason Hartman: Well you know, actually that’s a very good point. Being single is — well, I don’t know. I’ve never been married. I’d like to be married, but being single is a lot of work. It’s like a lot of your thoughts in life are spent in trying to find that special person, right, and I mean there’s a lot of gorgeous girls here at ASU, but they’re a little young for me.
Steve: Really? I didn’t know that.
Jason Hartman: Another discussion for another show. But it seems like it’s a lot of work. You know now — but, I don’t know, being married is a lot of work too. I guess it takes a lot of time.
Steve: Well, yeah, but the article points are — because you’re right. You know you’re single, it’s taking up all this time. That’s opportunity cost, right?
Jason Hartman: Yeah, right.
Steve: We’re making this a really geeky subject, but it’s time that you could be spending on making money for an example and the article talks about where. Where when you’re married, a husband for example, he could afford to go to work for twelve hours a day because (a) he doesn’t have to caught anybody. He has to caught his wife a little bit still if he wants to stay married. That’s a side point.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, right. True.
Steve: He doesn’t have to caught anybody and he doesn’t have to go home and do all the household stuff that he normally would have to do. It allows each to — to kind of specialize and by you both doing that, you’re both better off, kind of a — a weird spin off to the Economist, David Ricardo, who talked about specialization.
Jason Hartman: Specialization of labor is what, really advances an economy. If someone is a great baker and someone’s a great candlestick maker, you know, obviously this is not —
Steve: There you go.
Jason Hartman: This is not the high tech world in which we live but just the same, they’re — they’re going to — specializing, they’re going to make a better product for a lower price and everybody’s going to have more stuff and a higher wealth and a higher standard of living.
So, specialization is important and couples that work well as a team, they really do specialize.
Steve: Yeah, yeah, definitely. We made that whole marriage thing geeky and applied economics in it and leave it to us to do that.
Jason Hartman: Happy Valentine’s Day everybody. We took all the roll — romantical side out of it. And I know romantical is not a word, but my ex-girlfriend used to say that one all the time and I always thought it was cute, you know. “Oh, you’re being so romantical” [Laugher]. It’s a great word. It’s a great fake work.
Anyway, okay. Anything on this topic before we get to our guests?
Steve: Well, I guess you weren’t being romantical enough, because she’s your ex-girlfriend.
Jason Hartman: Yeah well, you know sometimes that’s better. One of the best ways to avoid divorce is to stay unmarried [Laughter]. Then you can be one hundred percent sure but that’s kind of a bad philosophy because it’s like saying — it’s like saying. You’ll miss one hundred percent of the shots if you don’t take, as golfer, right.
Steve: Yes, divorce is abstinence.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, yeah. There you go, there you go. You know, I don’t know… the jury is out on this subject. It’s been out for — since the beginning of time.
Steve: Not coming out with a verdict anytime soon.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, I know, it’s a — different situations and different strokes for different folks. But hey, I want to — on a serious note here before we get to our guest, we’re going to do something. We’ve got a couple of really interesting episodes coming up on the show here and one of them is — we’re going to do a comparison. We’re going to talk about — we’re going analyze rate of return when a deal goes bad.
And it kind of alludes to what I said a few minutes when we were playing that — playing that video, because even when a deal goes bad, it’s many times a lot better than you think. And I have often said that. Many income property investors are wining the game and they don’t even realize they’re winning the game because they don’t know how to properly keep score, and we’re going to talk about that. We’re going to look at performers. I’m really excited about this show, okay that’s coming up. We’re going to look at performers for the medium case scenario which is the one you’ll see on the Jason Hartman.com website. The best case scenario, which is what if it goes better than expected, and then a worse case scenario, where you’ve got a lot more vacancy, more repair costs. You know, maybe an eviction where things just are not going well and you think, gosh. I am losing my shirt on this deal, but you know, you might be surprised. You might be better than you think. So, we’ going to look at the actual nerdy, geeky numbers, okay and we’re going to look at the math and how those rates of returns are.
Steve, you did some research on this for that episode that we’ll have coming up on us. Do you have any quick comments that’s on that?
Well, these are single family properties and they’re — they’re inexperience. So, small changes to monthly income or expense can really swing that [inaudible]. But like you say, it’s a big hassle, if it’s a pain, many times you’re still coming out ahead or even better to these other traditional investments. And if you get say a multi-year tenant who signs a two year lease, and — and a few other things break way your return just becomes astronomical.
Jason Hartman: Or if you’re like my mom who has had the same tenant in one of her properties since1989. We had her on a prior show about that. Or if you’re me who had a tenant in one of his properties for nine years, raising the rent all along and the guy finally, after nine years, moved.
So, the two things are, life is a marathon, not a sprint. That’s number one and number two is that — that the question of a lifetime — okay. We talked about the trade of the decade, well here’s a question for a lifetime. Compared to what? Compared to what? You’ve got to always ask yourself, compared to what and then I think you’ll be pretty impressed with income property done properly even when things don’t go so well. So, we’re going to do that on a future episode.
Hey Steve, we’ve got to wrap this up because we’ve got to get t our temp show guest here. Thanks for joining me. Let’s go to our guest. Let’s talk about soft addictions and we’ll be right back in just a moment.
Male Voice: What’s great about the shows you’ll find on Jasonhartman.com is that, if you want to learn about investing and managing income properties for college students, there’s a show for that. If you want to learn how to get noticed online and in social media, there’s a show for that. If you want to know how to save on life’s largest expense, there’s a show for that. And if you’d like to know about America’s crime of the century, there’s even a show for that. Yep, there’s a show for just about anything only from Jason Hartman.com or type in Jason Hartman in the iTune store.
Jason Hartman: My pleasure to welcome Dr. Judith Wright to the show. She’s the author of a few books. One of them is the Soft Addiction Solution Break Free of Seemingly, harmless habits that keep you from the life you want.
And also her newest work, which is transformed the Science of Family Living. And she’s coming to us today from Chicago. Judith, how are you?
Judith Write: I’m great, thanks.
Jason Hartman: Good. Well, pleasure to have you on the show. We talked for a couple of moments before we started and I — I find the topic of soft addictions to be a very, catchy and fascinating idea, and you’ll explain it of course, but what I gather is that you’re talking about things that aren’t seemingly very harmful. I mean, they’re not a drug addiction, they’re not something that would necessarily ruin one’s life, per say, but they are at the very least, maybe robbing us of — of time, aren’t they?
Judith Write: I think it’s well put. I pointed to the terms soft addiction because it has that addictive quality like drugs or alcohol but the substances themselves don’t kill you. However, at the same time you don’t really die from soft addictions but you don’t really live either, because it’s those seemingly harmless habits that we all do that we so often overdo these normal every day activities whether it’s checking your Facebook page, your email, social media, over shopping, over eating, being too consumed with sports, but it can be any normal every day activity but you’re over doing it.
Often times you’re not realizing the cost that it has, both in time, money, but it also mutes our consciousness. It numbs our feelings. It’s actually robbing us from a greater sense of satisfaction for what we’re using those resources for instead. They’re a much greater cost than we’re aware because they’re so pervasive that we just think that it’s normal.
Jason Hartman: Okay. So, let’s –let me — let me play Devil’s advocate with that for a moment. So let’s take social media which is all the rage now days.
Judith Wright: Right.
Jason Hartman: And so it’s — it’s a different way of communicating for sure, but would you say that before the advent of social media that spending time with one’s friends or chatting with them on the phone is a soft addiction?
Judith Wright: Yes.
Jason Hartman: What’s really the difference besides the medium then you know, talking to him on Facebook, for example?
Judith Wright: Well, I think that’s a good, good point. I think mankind has had soft addictions forever before media was even invented. It might have been that we were day dreaming or other kind of overworking and things we get lost in. But I do think the things have sped up and it’s becoming increasingly, much easier to get addicted with all the changes in technology and the new things that are disposable income. And there’s lots of things that contribute to that.
And the quality — we all want to connect, we want to relate, and we want to belong and it’s not like we’re going to get rid of social media or computers or televisions or anything. But how do we use them, because the quality of contact that we have on Facebook isn’t the same as face-to-face. It’s a find for exchanges and information and for catching a little, but we’re using that as a substitute for geek internet personal contact with our friends and family members where we could read each other’s facial cues, you can have the power of your social, emotional intelligence really engage.
We’re missing out on a quality of human relationships that has a huge cost to it.
Jason Hartman: Fair enough and I agree, but just playing Devil’s advocate just for another moment, isn’t that what maybe all the mayor said with the telephone came out?
Judith Wright: Well, I think what they did with any new media and I don’t think that they were totally wrong, but there’s also — there’s a good side and a bad side. [Inaudible} about soft addictions, because you’re — with drugs or alcohol, you don’t need those to live. But in our modern society, you’re going to be eating and then you tend to over eat. You’re going to use your computer and you can over use it. You’re going to have social media but you can over use it. So, you can’t get rid of, nor should we get rid of a positive usage of these things, but when they’re running us and we’re at the affect of that, that we are in charge of it, it has an addictive, compulsive way and pulling us out of our every day realities, then that’s where it becomes a problem.
Jason Hartman: And you know, I would say the same thing is true with materialism when you alluded to and I want to ask to help – help ferret that out for us, but things are fine. It’s great to have things, but we’ve just got to make sure that we’re the master and that things don’t end up owning us. So we’re the servant.
So, how does one know when it’s running us, as you say? When is it an addiction? I mean I assume this is — it’s got several shades of grey in here, it’s not a black and white answer, is it?
Judith Wright: No, I don’t think it is but I think it’s something — sometimes you just know. You know — ah, I’m feeling more guilty of this that I’m, spending and I’m spending too much time, too much money. I’m avoiding things. Some part of you often has its conscience that it’s too much. But sometimes other people are mad at you about it or are teasing you about it or really resenting the time and energy you’re spending away from them and that’s another signal. But another is how do you feel when you’re doing it? If you’re doing, engaging, if you’re over shopping or doing too much media, whatever that is, if you kind of get buzzed or high or agitated or kind of cloudy, foggy, a little out of it, you know, in a trance, if you’ve got that wanting to surfing the web voice, you know that uh-huh, you know that kind of disconnected quality or if you’ve done something and then you can’t remember what you did or what you eat or what you spent or you end up buying the same pair of shoes you already have.
Those kinds of things let you know you’re not with it or you’re not all there. So, chances are that’s a soft addiction. On the other hand, if you’re engaging in something and you feel more present, more grounded, more alive, you’re learning something, you’re growing, you feel expanded, and then chances are that’s a passion. But we shouldn’t confuse the two and pretend their soft addictions are a passion when they’re really it’s an altered state.
Jason Hartman: It is an altered state. It’s like a video game concept where it puts people into the alpha state and maybe the brain waves are different with these different soft additions, but conception ally it’s kind of the same thing. It’s kind of trance, in a way, isn’t it?
Judith Wright: Well, I think that’s our problem because it takes us our of ourselves and then sometimes what we do with our friends and our family is we do soft addictions together and we agree we have a good time. And there’s some things we’re having a parallel play activity maybe, but we’re not connecting. And that neuro science underneath it is really interesting because what happens is that what it’s –soft addictions are more fueled by the narrow transfer of doppermean, which it sounds like dope. We need it, it gets you motivated, it has you take action, it has — it’s one of the pleasure centers of our brain, but there’s no real satisfaction with that. It’s just a buzz. It’s kind of a high. It’s addictive in its way.
What we’ve learned in our research and part of what we’ve got into out new book, Transformed, the Science of Spectacular Living is that there’s another pleasure center of the brain and this is what we’re avoiding when we get through our soft addictions and it’s fueled by the neuro transmitters or opium, which of course sounds like opium. But it really is, that’s that state of bliss, that place where you get that satisfied pause, where you say, uh, this feels good. There’s a sense of fulfillment or satisfaction, but when those two centers compete, that wanting center, that cravings, the part of us that wants that soft addiction, always wins unless we can really train ourselves to really go for those things. And I call our deeper yearnings that really fulfill us and satisfy us that are fueled by a whole another pleasure center of our brains that really make you feel satisfied and fulfilled, and I don’t think we should be just getting high when we have the opportunity to really be satisfied and fulfill and love our lives. It’s a much greater reward for activity.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, rather than just the transitory award — reward. It can be a —
Judith Wright: Right.
Jason Hartman: –a much deeper thing. You talk about the why, and I think that is such an important issue in human motivation is — is the why. You talk about cracking your own code. Tell us about discovering the why?
Judith Wright: Well you know it’s interesting, because we just don’t wake up in the morning and say, oh, I hope I overeat today and bite my nails and lose tons of hours of social media, and this is what we consciously want. But there’s a trigger that we have. There’s coping mechanism we’ve developed over time. There’s patterns of behavior that we have and — that become part of our lifestyle. We don’t really notice that.
For me, I was an overeater. I was fat and I was a chubby kid. So, I had this pattern or when I was upset or when I didn’t know that consciously that when I was sad or angry, or afraid and I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings, if there’s I couldn’t stomach, I literally would just eat to kind of quell that — quell whatever that upset was, and that became a pattern for me. So, part of it for me, and I would notice as an adult, is I would be out on a date with a guy and we’ve been eating and all of a sudden I realize, wow, I have eaten the entire bread basket. And I’m like, what’s going? And when I looked at him, you know, I’m uncomfortable with this guy and I’m nervous. I don’t like the way he’s treating me and I don’t like the way he just treated the waitress.
And rather than being in tough with my upset, I’m stuffing it with bread, when I started to realize that things like that — I said, whoa there’s way better things for me to be deal with these things.
So, understanding what your triggers are, and what the emotions are that are kind of triggering the behavior can help you then deal with those in a better way.
Jason Hartman: Give us an example for someone as it might relate, because — and I — I don’t mean to make this the topic but it’s such — the — the current thing. Is it my relate to social media, what would be the why there would be a need for belonging, need for affection, is someone deficient in that — in their life why they’re looking for reward on line? Or — I mean they’re just what I kind of came up with.
Judith White: Those are great, great guesses and I think they’re really are because what we found under every soft addiction, in every craving, every want is a deeper yearning. And then [inaudible] when we did the research for transformed in Newburgh, we realized that people — we studied people with really great lives, really have a sense of satisfaction in their lives and their careers and their relationships. They’re great — they’re leadership expands. It’s just a beautiful quality of their lives and we found that they led their lives by these yearnings our research kept revealing.
So, what you’re seeing under — under every craving there’s a deeper yearning. So, with social media, you want to check your Facebook, you want to check your email, you want to just see what’s being — who just posted or whatever. Some have [inaudible] and responses that you have, and under that there’s a deeper yearning and it’s a deeper yearning to connect. It’s a deeper yearning to belong, perhaps, or to feel like you matter or to know that you’re a part of something. Those yearnings are pure and beautiful and every human being has those but we can’t really get those yearnings fully — not by Facebook. It just gives us a little bit of a high. It doesn’t really feed that yearning, although we keep going to it hoping that we’ll get more satisfied, but it never really completes itself until we really have more face-to-face contact or we really can make a phone call or see a smile on a loved one’s face or go for a walk and play — and really greet people and feel that kind of connection.
Those kinds of things give us that really need that deeper yearning. So when we — and we can use our soft addiction to help us identify what those deeper yearnings are because we can translate those selfish cravings. So, what is it that we’re really hoping that that will give to us, and once we know that yearning, we can go about in needing that in much more satisfying ways. People that live great lives, that’s exactly what they do.
Jason Hartman: It’s like selling your dreams for small desires, isn’t it
Judith Wright: How beautifully put. It is that and the small desires that we hope will make us happy, they hope — we hope that it will make us be fulfilled, but the [inaudible] our deeper dreams and are beautiful, pure yearnings that will do that. But — but the other part about those deeper yearnings is that sometimes soft addictions are so assessable. You can grab a donut pretty quickly, you know what I’m saying, these are pretty easily but also yearnings can be met real easily also, because if you do yearn to connect, there’s a lot of ways to do that. You can make a phone call, you can even text someone and make it a little more — you can use the media if you know that you’re really using it for a deeper connection and share more fully, be more open, be more honest, be more vulnerable, be more truthful in a way that helps that be a deeper connection, and then in the moment that’s really fulfilling.
Jason Hartman: And you know, you can even do that on for example, Facebook, since we’re talking about because I — I — oh you know, Judith, can you hang on just a moment?
Judith Wright: Sure.
Jason Hartman: I’ve got to check my Facebook. I’m joking.
Judith Wright: [Inaudible].
Jason Hartman: But, I heard a study just, oh maybe two weeks ago about how people that look at Facebook, they’re not as satisfied with their life.
Judith Wright: Yeah.
Jason Hartman: And –and — and you know, I think that’s true. I tell you I felt that way myself…
Judith Wright: Yeah.
Jason Hartman: …because you look at — you look at your news feed and it’s like almost ninety five percent of what you see — it depends on the person because everybody’s feed is different, but what you see is positive stuff that someone’s got this great thing going, or they’re having fun or they’ve got these great pictures and — and you’re thinking — we’re — we’re always doing it. We’re always — this is just human nature. You know, we’re always comparing and we’re always judging and we’re saying, well, why isn’t my life that good? Why aren’t I in Europe?
Judith Wright: That’s right. You feel jealous, competitive and bad about yourself.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, exactly.
Judith Wright: You know, I think it’s — you know it’s true. I really didn’t mention it, early on I had — I was softly addicted to magazines and catalogs and I realized that as I picked up a catalog or a magazine, I didn’t feel good. I felt worse after reading them and looking at them, because with the magazine, the same thing. I was comparing myself to all these things. I didn’t have that ideal everything.
Jason Hartman: Well — well the perfect images are — and that’s a concept that’s pretty interesting. I remember hearing about a long, long time ago and that was saying that males in our population are dissatisfied because they suffer from a — something called centerfold syndrome, which is where you know, all of the women you see in the media are air brushed and beautiful and perfect and you know, in real life it’s not like that.
Judith Wright: Yeah, human beings aren’t photo shopped, you know. Here we are in all of our ruggedness and there is this kind of idea that you can compare yourself, or in that case, other people or women too, that can’t measure up and you end up feeling worse. The same thing with Facebook, if you keep comparing yourself for seeing that because people aren’t using Facebook often times for the real deeper truth. We’re trying to — we’re protecting our images and trying to sell what’s cool or what’s good about us and it’s not that — the connection there’s an unreality sometimes about it. And that’s where a great heat-to-heart conversation with people really sharing their hopes and their dreams and their fears and their challenges and their successes. There’s so much more satisfying if it’s real and it’s a deeper and you’re connecting in a much more intimate level. It’s very fulfilling.
Jason Hartman: Right. So, this sort of begs the question, is it better to have a lot of friends that I’m saying that in quote “in the Facebook sense” or “the acquaintance sense” or is it better to have just a very small number as you would in the old days because you were limited by geography and lack of telecommunication. Just a few close friends, and I — I know where everybody’s mind goes with that, immediately. Everybody’s going to say, well, it’s better to have a few close friends and I bet you are too, but the one thing you do — you do have some benefits of having this broad, big pool of friends, like I don’t know what the average is but everybody on say, Facebook has a few hundred friends. Now, five of those or three of them are close friends, but things you really do things with.
Judith Wright: I — I think that’s a really good question. I think actually there’s uses for both. It’s not one or the other because, close friends, people that know you, people that you know, you’re supporting one another, you’re empowering one another. It’s truthful. You know they’re there for you in good times and bad that people you can reach out to, people that can give you honest feedback and encourage you and let you know when you need to get your butt in gear. Those things are extremely helpful and the only way — and people who live these great lives have this kind of life team members. It’s really — it’s what our research showed as well.
So that’s really helpful. At the same time, the bigger your network of a — of a more genuine way when you’re the hub of a network and you have a lot of people and resources. Those are resources. If you have a question, you can get it answered more easily. If you need a referral from someone who’s great at something, the bigger your network is and the more people that you trust, you can get that kind of information. So networking can help you expand hour influence and also bring you more resources, and you need people that you can be close to.
You know, and I think part of it — part of it may be rest with each of us. How genuine are we when the people that we’re with, whether it’s a few or a lot, the more real we are, if it’s one hundred people or ten people, we’re still going to have that depth of connection. So, maybe that’s the critical factor.
Jason Hartman: Well, I’m looking for a new blog post by you with the top 10, deep meaningful, vulnerable Facebook status updates.
Judith Write: There’s something to that..
Jason Hartman: There you go. It will inspire deep connections in a modern media format.
Judith Write: Yeah. Well, and I think — I think there’s something to that. You know, I ask people about that and they say, oh I’m so afraid if I did that, then people will make fun of me or they’ll think I’m getting kind of weird or it’s too vulnerable. And at the same time, shouldn’t we feel funny about some of the stuff if we are posting. It’s — it’s not all that great.
Jason Hartman: It’s certainly questionable. That’s open, to debate, there ain’t no question about it. Judith, tell us about the math of more. I think in Western cultures, especially with, thanks to Madison Avenue, it — it seems like life is just about more, more, more. More of everything. It’s like the collector’s morality and mentality. What do you mean by the math of more?
Judith write: Well, it’s a good question because I usually capitalize it so — the big more of life as opposed to the little more of life. Because the math of more is interesting because when e — when I was doing the research, I’m looking at soft addictions. What I realized is that, we’re already feeling deprived and so to try to take away our soft addictions, feels really threatening. I mean, none of us want to let go of our little friends, or candy or whatever that is metaphorically for us. So, just subtracting wasn’t really the answer and it wasn’t the answer for me in my life.
But we really need to add things to our life that need these deeper yearnings and when we do that, it’s much easier to subtract our soft addictions because the needs are met. They’re fulfilled. Our cravings just kind of go away and that’s what’s really interesting for the math you’re just adding things that meet your deeper yearnings and subtracting some of the over indulging, and that actually then multiplies the pleasure and satisfaction that you’re getting in your life. It’s not about the deprivation, it’s a path that’s really adding to your life that really satisfies you.
Jason Hartman: So in a moment I want to jump to the next step of maybe considering that soft addiction is the problem. Then I want to talk about spectacular living and transformation. But before we do that, could you please cover the four loving truths?
Judith Wright: Oh, the four loving truths are something that are really quite profound and something that happens when you live these ways and they actually kind of help you with that.
The first loving truth is you are loved. Now, whether you feel it or believe it, to live with that reality that I am loved whether I feel it or not and not looking for evidence of that love in you life, whether the waitress remembering what you ordered to drink and bringing it to you with a smile on the street or close loved ones who really live with the truth that you’re loved.
And another loving truth is — which — is about your emotions, and one is that love and peace are the legacy of your pain. So, may of us think, oh my pain is a problem and I have to numb that in order for me to feel love or peace, and it’s actually the opposite. We can allow ourselves to express our pain to cry that out, to let that go, then it’s followed very naturally by love and peace. So, if we deny our pain, we’re denying the love and peace we can get.
Another loving truth is also related to emotions but that our feelings are divine and should be honored rather than to be numbed or suppressed, to really bring our emotions up to the surface and to really understand the beautiful information they have for us. How they make us more real. How they help us connect and — and love and be loved and how precious they really are and the importance of our emotional intelligence in — in our hearts.
And the fourth loving truth is that gifts are given to us. Every single human being to develop and utilize in the divine sense of life and every single one of us has talents and gifts. Maybe even yet undiscovered or undeveloped, but they’re there and the more we engage in life more fully, we can discover what those are and develop those and use those, and if every human being is doing that and offering their gifts, we have a beautiful senility of life and your gift and you don’t have my gifts, we’re all offering then to this beautiful senility of life. And those are the four living truths.
Jason Hartman: Fantastic. Before we leave the soft addictions subject, I want to ask you about one that is encouraged and it is seemingly very good and maybe you can address it and that is exercise. Can exercise be a soft addiction or — or maybe hard addiction? I don’t know —
Judith Wright: Yes, it absolutely can and there’s many people that are over addicted to the — whether it’s a runner’s high or whatever that is, but they’re over working out and there’s many wise to it trying to get a sense of control in their lives being over concerned about their health or their bodies or their weight or how they work or whatever, but people can get really lost in overdoing exercise. Of course exercise is a good thing but you could really get addicted to over working out. And I know many people who have done that and have worked on that, they still work out, but it no longer has an obsessive quality for that.
Jason Hartman: So the endorphins can be ad — certainly addicted, right?
Judith Wright: Well….
Jason Hartman: And that’s the runner’s high.
Judith Wright: No, it’s literally because it’s that kind of high from it and you can get hooked by it. You know, anything can become a soft addiction. I know people who have gotten softly addicted to meditation or even prayer and that’s a beauty — they’re both beautiful things, but if you’re over using it and one woman — she even told me, she was addicted to prayers and how is it possible? What is that?
Well what happens, any time anything would happen, she would go pray rather than deal with it. She wouldn’t talk to her husband and she wouldn’t speak up at work. She just would go to prayer. So she caught — she was caught in a bind, rather than prayer in addition to doing what you needed to do. And she realized she was using it as an escape. So, anything you’re overdoing to escape from other parts of your life, chances are it’s a soft addiction.
Jason Hartman: Um hmm. Yeah, maybe the balance there is, God helps those who help themselves. To some — to some extent, there’s a point to that.
Judith Wright: There are both ends with that.
Jason Hartman: We’ll be back in just a minute.
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Jason Hartman: Well, let’s — let’s talk about the science of Spectacular Living Transformed. A lot of great stuff in this book and you go through some different steps and so forth. You — you start where you like.
Judith Wright: Right. Well, what can happen –and Transformed is an amazing thing. What we did was we studied people who are living great lives. We started with some of our students at Wright. We have coaching and training and seminars that people do and everybody learns and grows but some people are blowing the doors off of their lives. Their relationships are deep and intimate and satisfying. They’re getting promoted. They’re making more money. Their sales are exculpating. Their leadership is going amazingly well and we’re in an apparent team which will deeply satisfy, and we’re like, well wait a minute. What are they doing differently? And we studied what we call those positive deviants and they we’re doing similar things. And we’re seeing much greater results and we’re saying, what are they doing differently? They’re in the same classes, they’re seeing the same coaches, what is that? And we found that there was — as we did the research on that, that there was a process — there was six phases of this process that they engaged in — of consciously engaging in their own transformation but in a different way, and when we studied then people in history and currently are heroes and heroes wonder if they’re living the same way? And then we saw the current neuroscience and [inaudible] economics, all kinds of signs backs it up. And we’re like, wait a minute, we’re on o something. So we put it into this book, Transformed.
And one of the first phases we’ve actually been talking about that all these people who lead these really satisfying, spectacular lives, really base their lives on their yearning. They’re very in touch with their yearning to love and be loved, to matter, to make a difference, to touch and be touched, to be seen, to be heard, and they let — allow that to guide their lives into engaging which is the second phase.
Really engaging and activities and where is it being and living their lives more adventurously, being willing to take risks and make mistakes, which leads them into the next four phases. It’s a phenomenal way of living and it’s available for all of us.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, wow! When you look at what really — I mean, how do you first of all quantify — I guess I’d just call it fulfillment. I mean, how do you know — you know, I’ve read these studies about how the — the richest countries or the richest societies aren’t necessarily the most fulfilled, but then I’ve read other studies that say, you know, can money buy happiness? And I’m just using money as an example because it’s a — it’s hard to quantify fulfillment. That’s what I’m getting to here. But I remember reading one that was very interesting, the old thing of, can money buy happiness, and they found — and of course you’d have to adjust this for inflation which would be pretty significant because I read this in the — I think the early or mid ‘90s, and it was a — it was a study that showed that, for an American and depending on where you live, if you live in an expensive place, then adjust stop. If you live in a low cost of living place, you could probably adjust down a little bit and then of course you’ve got to adjust for eighteen — twenty years of inflation. But — but the number — there was a number they put to it in the study and they said it was a net worth of about a million five —
Judith Write: Wow!
Jason Hartman: — was the number. And so you know, adjusting that for inflation, that’s three and a half million today, but they found that that number, you didn’t need more than that but if you have that much, you really did make one’s life happier because they felt free. They didn’t feel like they had to worry and that — that’s — can be very negative, certainly. But how do you quantify fulfillment, just by what people tell you? I mean, God, if you look at my Facebook feed it looks like everybody is having a great life.
Judith Wright: You’ve got that right. They do.
Jason Hartman: [Inaudible] the old conversation.
Judith Wright: Good marketing and P.R. for it anyway, but we don’t know — and you know, it’s interesting. You know, I don’t know that — the more recent studies that I’ve read that on money for example, if we use that on again, I really don’t show those kinds of differences. Even across the world ad cross culturally, unless you’re below poverty and then if you get up to at least the net level of your family of four, if you get up to forty thousand dollars, then you’re happier. If you’re below that, which makes sense, that after that there’s really not that much difference, which is really interesting.
I think the key of what you’re saying — the research that you’re talking about is that people felt free, but we don’t have to wait to be free until we have three million dollars. Freedom’s something we can choose now, no matter how much money or little money or whatever we have.
Jason Hartman: Right.
Judith Wright: And when we do that, when we start to orient toward well, why do we want money, what do w hope it would provide for us? Freedom might be one. That might be a deeper yearning to be free. For others, it’s the yearning to feel like they matter or that they’re important or yearning for security. And when we know why we want those things and we actually go for it directly, that’s what actually causes more fulfillment, and ironically what happens, when — and what we saw on our research, the more that you’re following the deeper yearnings, whether it’s to matter or to be seen to be heard or to be respected, you end up achieving way more goals because it’s really something, because the way that you’re living your life tends to be you’re more you. You’re more authentic, you’re more connected with other people, you tend to be more productive, you’re more satisfied, you’re making a bigger difference and many things happen out of that. You shift yourself kind of from the inside out and ironically, you make more money. You know what I mean, people that we’re studying, they made more money. They weren’t trying to make more money per say, they were leading a great life and focusing on their yearnings, but it naturally led to making more money. But it wasn’t the money that made them happy. They went about being happy and then made more money.
Jason Hartman: Well, absolutely and probably either they were doing something that they were passionate about and that — that had an impact on making them happy or they brought a happy person to the table and suddenly what they were doing became filled with passion and interest.
Judith Write: Well, often times it’s the second thing that you mentioned that we saw more than — more than anything else, because most people have like a magical solution, if I just had something I was passionate about —
Jason Hartman: Right.
Judith Wright: — then I’d be happy. No, invest yourself fully where you are and all of a sudden this so called boring job or tense situation becomes much more interesting. You start growing more. You start naturally expanding, getting promoted or outgrowing that the natural way and then going to the next thing and the universe kind of responds to you. So, it’s bringing that happier, more fulfilled engage. And that’s where the second phase, engaging, is so important with our study. Really engaging cannot — are kind checked out waiting for something else to happen or waiting to win the Lottery or waiting until they get a new job, or waiting until the economy recovers, rather than engaging fully in their yearnings right now, and when you do that you have instant fulfillment.
Maybe it takes you a longer time to reach some goals, but you don’t have to wait until the goal is met to be satisfied. So, it’s long term results, but in the moment, it’s much more fulfilling.
Jason Hartman: Yeah, it sure is. The problem is — the problem with Westernized culture, and this may be true in other cultures, as well. Is that we –we’ve — we’ve got this media that is so omni present in all of our lives and it’s — it’s constantly telling us — it’s the — the subtext of virtually all media is more, more, more.
Judith Wright: Right, right. And there’s something wrong with you and here, we’ll fix it with this, buy this do this and get this…
Jason Hartman: And — and so I just translate that into more —
Judith Wright: Right.
Jason Hartman: — there’s lack.
Judith Wright: Yeah — no, it’s all about lack. Deprivation about lack.
Jason Hartman: it’s — it’s point out a lack and then point out how your product or service can fill that.
Judith Wright: Well it’s consecutive marketing survey, obviously it works, doesn’t it?
Jason Hartman: That it works?
Judith Wright: It doesn’t work for fulfillment. You know, the third phase and I studied these people that are living in these spectacular lives, was once they’re yearning and engaging more fully and living more adventurously, the next thing that often ties happens is what we call revolating. You start to become more aware of the forces that are influencing your decisions. You start to realize what we call your matrix that all the neuro pathways are the basis of your belief systems, about yourself and the world, and you start to reflect differently.
So for example, many people — we all have core mistakes and beliefs about ourself in the world. There’s some part of it that feels we’re not enough, or we’re not okay, or we’re not lovable or we’re too much or something like that for all of us. Now let’s see, it is your core mistake and you start — in the revaluating you start to realize, wow, I really think I’m not enough. Well, that makes me susceptible to those ads and then I think, oh, if I didn’t want this or got more of this, I’d be okay. But maybe it’s my belief that’s really the issue and I can work at changing that, and that’s part of what leads to the next phase, which is liberating, taking action in ways that are cultured by different mistakes and beliefs and limiting beliefs that we have. And then re-matricing, which is literally changing the neuro pathways of our brain. Changing that matrix or thinking differently. Our behaviors are different. Our emotions are different. We’re becoming someone different and finally it’s six days of dedicating — really dedicating ourselves to consciously engaging in our own transformation or evolution, which keeps us living this way all the time, rather than thinking, oh, if I just achieve this goal then I can coast.
Now let me make my life about becoming what we call a transformer, someone who’s always learning and growing and discovering new things, becoming someone I haven’t even imagined coming — becoming yet. And that’s where the real thrill of living takes place and that’s what we found.
Jason Hartman: Really amazing. So, those core beliefs are so important, aren’t they? Yeah, and — and if you look at it, you know what you were talking about that made me think of gangs, for example. And the people they look for and the people that con artists look for and the people that drug dealers look for and — or the people who are — that have this sense of lack, that have this sense that they don’t belong, that they’re outcasts and that’s when you — you become very susceptible to all these different things, don’t you?
Judith Wright: Right, right. It’s really true and I think there’s a level of that for everyone at some lev — you know, it’s more severe, more susceptible for some. But there’s always nagging part of each of us. It’s just a natural course of our own development when you understand how our neuro pathways are laid down and how experiences lead us to those kinds of — you start to understand the universality of that. But you’re deep in the core — and you’re not conscious of it. You don’t enjoy necessarily what you believe but you really — but if you don’t believe that you’re really okay or you’re not lovable or that you’re too much or you’re not enough or something’s wrong with you or whatever that is, it makes you very susceptible to wanting to belong to things that aren’t even that good for you or being in relationships that aren’t great for you.
And until we understand those beliefs — it’s true that we believe them, but it’s not true about our human worth that we’re all loved and durable with our responsibilities to make us that way that we all matter, that we all have words, until we can shift those beliefs and shift your behaviors’ we can overcome that susceptibility but we have to be aware of what it takes to really change that and just saying a simple affirmation isn’t enough. We literally have to use our nero plasticity which is the plastic part of our brain repeated efforts to really change that essential programming. But it is doable and it’s kind of thrilling that we can but we can’t kid ourselves, it’s hard work and it takes a lot of time and repetition, but the results are worth it.
Jason Hartman: But I mean, is it possible for everybody — why do some people struggle with success or transformation or the science of spectacular living or fulfillment, whatever you want to call it. I — I mean it just makes the question, is it really possible for everybody? Because — because — is it that some people just haven’t coached right or they’re not willing to delay gratification for bigger rewards? What — what is it? You talk about the heart or transformation —
Judith Wright: Right. Well, the heart of transformation is really being able to live from your heart and rally use your emotions and that you’re emotional intelligence and develop that because it is one of the keys to really living a beautiful, satisfying life. We don’t do it in spite of our emotions, we do it through our emotions. But I think that part of what it is there’s so much misinformation about what it really takes to change, and nothing can change their minds, but they don’t change their brains, and until we change our brains, we’re not going to substantially change. And if we do, it doesn’t last. And there’s so much — all this hype about quick fixes and oh just do this quick fix. Three days, ten days, three steps. It doesn’t work that way. When you really understand how the brain works, you realize that there’s no such thing as a quick fix. And what happens is when we think that there is and we try it and it doesn’t work, we start to get discouraged or you think there’s no solution out there or there’s something wrong with us that we can’t make it happen or we can’t make it stick. We really get discourage, but really that the technology hasn’t been available — it’s available but people haven’t known exactly what it takes. And it does take a lot. It’s just like if you want to learn a musical instrument, you just don’t read a book about it or do a weekend on it, you have to do a ton of practice at the right time to really become proficient.
Well, spectacular living is the same way. You need to know what the phases are, the stages of it, what to do first and little tiny steps and build on little tiny steps, to keep over time work and repeatedly. But there is a technology to it and it’s available to anyone. Anybody can live a great life if they are willing to do the work that it takes to do that. And the work that it takes is really fulfilling too because you’re learning and growing. You’re working with other people. You’re discovering things. You’re living a much more engaged involve life, so I think it is available to everybody, it’s just everybody hasn’t understood what it really takes to transform. And when you do and you’re wiling to do it, the results are amazing.
Jason Hartman: So, it’s — but it’s not just the how, it’s — it’s the why, the how and then the — the discipline to execute on it.
Judith Wright: Right, right. And I think to realize how hard it is. On one level it’s important because if you know that and you also need good coaches, you need good training, good skills. We use assignments where the assignment way of living — a whole life assignment so we give people in sequences, that build capacities and break it down into little steps so that you can do this little step and then you add another little step and then all of a sudden you realize you’ve covered a ton of territory and it’s really much more long lasting.
But you have to understand, we need one another. We need teachers, we need mentors, we need support, and we need people to inspire us. If you’re thinking about like an Olympic champion or a boxer or whatever, they always had sparing partners and people that they’re running with and competing with and inspiring them. We do need other people to really help us on this journey and what a great way to live though, when you’re engaged with other people in that life.
Jason Hartman: Sure, sure. And those shared experiences are the stock and trade of a relationship and friendship, aren’t they?
Judith Wright: You know they are beautiful. One of the — from one of the deepest bonding is learning and growing together and going through things together, and getting discouraged and getting back up together. It’ encouraging when another — our deepest bonds are really and major things like that and it creates a lot of our intimacy with people.
Jason Wright: Yeah, it sure does. It — it reminds me when you talk about the discipline component of one of the great Jim Rohn quotes, the late Jim Rohn, the pain of discipline weighs ounces, and the pain of regret weighs tons. And it’s just sort of a — we — we each have to at some point overcome ourselves and sort of start moving down the path and then opportunities start to open up and things just start to work, don’t they?
Judith Wright: Well, I think that’s true. We have to have some momentum in order to get — we could get redirected if we’re o– if we’re moving but it’s really hard to do something we really [inaudible]. You know that — the sixth day we found in our research is what we call dedicating and I think it speaks to what you’re talking about because when you’re really dedicated, when you’ve made a commitment to that way, this is how I’m going to live. This is how I’m going to be. I’m going to dedicate myself to learning and growing, following my deeper yearnings being more conscious and engaged, involved present human being, however — whatever word someone uses for that. Then you start to actually develop disciplines and the practices and the rhythms and the routines and the life styles that support this kind of engagement that keeps you from living a life of regret. And it allows you to — and you actually feel better when you’re more disciplined and many of us resist it. You actually wind up having a little more self respect. You feel better about yourself or you can choose your word taking steps toward your own well being and the people who dedicate — remateicing and dedicating were the two major things that we saw on a research that really made a difference between someone learning and growing of that and people really transforming, becoming someone they wouldn’t even imaging becoming because it takes that level of dedication and discipline to do that. And most people don’t realize that or haven’t been willing or haven’t been taught that it’s not — it’s not out of the reach of any of us once we know that. And I think that the quote you gave was really beautiful.
Jason Hartman: Tell — tell people where they can learn more and the books I’m sure are available on Amazon, all the usual places, but what is your website?
Judith Wright: its Juditwright.com and that Wright with a W.com. And you all can get your books through there or obviously on line, but there’s also frequent downloadable products and support. We also have a complementary training for anyone listening you can get yourself to Chicago. We can get an eight hundred dollar gift for you, and I can actually teach you these skills of transforms. There’s all kinds of ways we’d love to support you. So it’s all on Judithwright, with a W, Judithwright.com.
Jason Hartman: Fantastic. And Judith, you know maybe give out one final thought or an action step that people can take that will make difference today.
Judith Wright: Well, I think — but there’s two things that I would say. One is that we all deserve to life a great life, and we need to know that and act on it even if we don’t believe it or feel it that it really is true. And one step I think to do today, one is to really the engaging step is what I would really consider. The engaging phase and that means live today as an adventure. Take some risks. Do something different. Break out of a rut and routine. Do a tiny little thing you wouldn’t have done. Because once you start to live more engaged and take more risks, a lot more things open up for you.
Jason Hartman: Fantastic advice. Well Judith Wright, thank you so much for joining us today. I appreciate having you on the show.
Judith Wright: It’s been great being with you. Thanks so much.
Female Voice: This show is produced by the Hartman Media Company. All rights reserved. For distribution or publication rights and media interviews, please visit www.HartmanMedia.com or email [email protected]. Nothing on this show should be considered to be specific personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate tax, legal, real estate or business professional for individualized advice. Opinions of guests are their own and the host is acting on behalf of Empowered Investor, LLC., exclusively. (Top image: Flickr | fikra)
Transcribed by Debra
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