Editorial for Broker-Agent Magazine (July 2004)
Reality Is In The Eye of the Beholder
Some years ago, when I was just starting my career in real estate, I was showing property to a particularly difficult client. Right off the bat, we didn’t see eye-to-eye, but I was able to fake it well enough to keep the relationship from deteriorating to the “so long, it’s been nice to know you” state. I remember clearly my feelings of frustration when I finally found her the perfect home, an emotional place with which I was sure she would fall in love. However, she hated it and we headed back to the office.
“Wait!” she said excitedly. “What’s that?” She was pointing to a “For Sale” sign on the front lawn of a place I had previewed and thought was so awful that she not only would not like it, but would think I was totally incompetent for showing her a place so out of touch with her tastes and stated desires.
“You won’t like it,” I said, before I could catch myself. “Let’s look anyway,” she suggested. I pulled into the cracked and stained driveway and reluctantly removed the key from the lockbox of the vacant home. I cringed as she entered the dingy living room and looked around. “I love it!” she blurted. “It’s got so much charm!” I nearly gagged and bit my tongue to keep from trying to talk her out of it. Whatever could she be thinking? To make a long story short, she made a full-price offer on the place and closed escrow in 30 days.
I tell this tale to make a very important point about building a successful real estate career (this will also help you in building a better life): reality is in the eyes of the beholder. The fact is; there are only a small number of universal truths (gravity, cause and effect, thermodynamics, etc.). All of us see the world with the blinders and through the filters put in place by our upbringing, personal experiences and prejudices. What is obvious to one person may be oblivious to another.
Success in sales requires building relationships based on mutual trust and respect. To achieve that result, you must learn to see through your client’s eyes and feel with your client’s heart. I believe that more deals are lost because of problems with perception than for any other reason. I always ask my clients to help me see their ideal home from their point of view. I make a conscious effort to keep my own prejudices and preferences from distorting what they are telling me. After all, I’m not the one that will be living there, so what I like or want is completely irrelevant.
It is said that “nature abhors a vacuum.” Similarly, I think it’s also true that “people abhor silence.” To avoid the risk of silence, many agents chatter away when they are interacting with a client. However, instead of making meaningless small talk, we should use the opportunity to ask lots of questions…and then listen attentively to the answers. The answers to carefully crafted questions will give you insight into your clients’ world so you can see it through their eyes and not just hear, but understand what they are saying to you. Remember that you don’t have to feel like they feel, believe what they believe or like what they like…just understand and be empathetic. Peoples’ behavior is usually based more on emotion than analytical thought. If you can reach them on an emotional level and find them a home that satisfies their hearts rather than their heads, you will make the sale and have customers for life.
When you demonstrate that you really care about your clients by treating them with respect and understanding, and that you are not just going through the sales process for personal gain (to earn a commission and never see them again), long relationships will develop and the referrals will be non-stop. That kind of relationship develops when you accept the fact that feelings and preferences are not universal and that what you feel or like has nothing to do with your job of finding them the home of their dreams.
Accept your clients as they are. Don’t try to change them, don’t criticize or judge them, be patient, sincere and watch your body language. Don’t forget that a large part of inter-personal communication is non-verbal so don’t try to fake your empathy. When you master the art of respecting other people’s point of view as being just as valid as your own, you will not have to fear being unmasked as a fraud by your body language. You will literally exude sincerity, patience and empathy as a part of your being.
You will have an abundance of affection and wealth in your life as you learn to fully accept others and to facilitate the achievement of their dreams!
Jason Hartman, CRS, GRI, CSP is the author of “Become The Brand of Choice – Make Your Name A Powerful Brand and Earn Millions” and President of Empowered Investor International. For more information visit www.PlatinumSells.com or www.BrandofChoice.com
