Jason Hartman welcomes Dawn Maslar to this 10th episode, to discuss her book Men Chase, Women Choose, The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind & Finding Love. Dawn explains how we go on a biological path from meeting to falling in love. She gives us insight into her research on attraction to the opposite sex, online dating sites, and a disturbing truth about perfume.
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Jason Hartman 0:53
Welcome to a 10th episode show. This is the 10th episode where we go off topic and we discuss something of general interest And hay. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. So in the spirit of being romantical Yes romantical that is a made up word By the way, but it’s a cool word in the spirit of being romantical. I thought we’d play this episode just freshly recorded last week from Don Mosler as we talk about difference between the genders and how courtship works and all of that kind of stuff. So whether you are in a relationship or looking for a relationship, or if you’ve given up on relationships, this episode is for you. So, you know, fits for everybody. So, we will dive into that here in just a moment, as we are here on episode number 960 960 10th episode show, and then tomorrow, we’ll have a flashback Friday, and we got a good one for you. And next week, we got all bunch more good episodes. Were really well ahead of production schedule here. So So I hope you can keep up. We’re almost almost getting to the point where we can just say, we will permanently do five episodes per week. But for sure you can always count on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, of course, so we will do that. But hey, don’t forget we’ve got Jason Hartman University Silicon Valley. Okay, so we will be up north in San Jose, actually, technically in Sunnyvale, that is March 3. Go to Jason Hartman University comm Jason Hartman University COMM And then we are looking to green light the Ice Hotel trip. We are very very close to green lighting that join us it’s gonna be a once in a lifetime bucket list trip. Jason Hartman Ice Hotel calm Jason Hartman ice hotels calm that will be in early April a very very special event. Now the Jq event or Jason Hartman universe Event Remember, you’re going to learn the very practical side of investing at the creating wealth seminar which we we also do that as another one of our many events. That one is more macro, big picture philosophical a little bit. This one is practical. So if you are a pragmatist, this is for you. And if you’re not a pragmatist, Hey, get your head out of the clouds and come to this one because you’ll learn about market analysis, property analysis, property acquisition, managing your manager versus self management, and property portfolio planning. Very, very important event, you’ll actually be doing the math, you’ll be using your pens and pencils, and you will be writing and you will be filling in the blanks. This is very much an interactive event. So be sure to come to this March 3. Jason Hartman university.com Get your tickets today for that and also What else did I have to tell you? Well, as we’re on this 10th show, and we’re talking about romance, you know, a few years ago on Valentine’s Day, we had a really good guest. That was the author of the five love languages, the five love languages, you know, that sums up a lot of it pretty darn well, you know how we can understand each other better. So, if you’re interested in hearing that old episode, about the five love languages, you can go to Jason hartman.com. And you can just search five love languages. And you’ll find that episode that we did a few years back also, as a Valentine’s Day special. So I know Valentine’s Day was yesterday. But hey, this is a 10th show and we had to wait to publish the 10th show. So here we are. So let’s get to our guests. Let’s talk to dawn. And let’s learn more about how men Chase and women choose. Here we go. It’s my pleasure to welcome Don Mosler to the show. She is an adjunct biology professor at Kaplan University. She’s the author of men chase women choose the neuroscience of meeting dating, losing your mind and finding true love. She’s also a TEDx speaker. coming to us from Fort Lauderdale today, Don, welcome. How are you? Good. Thank you. Thank you for having me. My pleasure. Well, so what subject is on people’s mind for such a huge part of their life? Love, love and, and dating and mating and meeting and how to deal with all subject. But there’s obviously a lot of science behind this and you know, what goes on in our brain and the chemicals, the endorphins released into our body, the hormonal issues. Where do we start on this topic?
Dawn Maslar 5:54
You always start at the beginning, which is of course attraction. No attraction is caused by neuron epinephrine. That’s that fight or flight flight response. That’s what gives you that sweaty palms, the rapid heartbeat. But the funny thing about attraction is it’s meant to be temporary. A lot of people will think that that’s love, but it’s really not. It’s basically lust, right? But it’s mother nature’s way of getting you to be close to get you, you get your attention. And then once you get past attraction, then you can build up the neurotransmitters to fall in love. One of the things one of the main neurotransmitters to fall in love for a woman is oxytocin. So that builds up tends to build up slowly. And that’s why it’s important for a guy to, for a woman to trust the guy because oxytocin is the neurotransmitter of trust. It’s also bonding. So if you if you read a lot of dating profiles, you’ll see things like she wants a guy that can make her laugh. Well, if you can make her laugh, that means she trust you.
Jason Hartman 6:51
Why do humor and trust go together? I mean, some of the best con artists in the world are the most personable funny. people you know, that’s that’s your stock and trade is what we’re building and humor. Right? You know, and I gotta tell you, I’m weak on the humor component. I just wish I was better at it. Because yes, I know every woman says, I want a guy who makes me laugh.
Dawn Maslar 7:16
Because it’s disarming. That means that she could relax because you have to relax, to be able to laugh. If you’re uptight, you don’t laugh. But my question is,
Jason Hartman 7:24
why are humor and trust intertwined? Like, does anybody else that question I don’t get it. Why would those be, you know, what do they have to do with each other? Or is that just a misperception? Maybe, especially by women that those two should be intertwined?
Dawn Maslar 7:37
No, it’s biological. It’s based on oxytocin or based on as you get to learn to trust somebody, you build up the oxytocin, which, which kind of releases relaxes you, and then you tend to be more willing to laugh to get to know somebody, you lose your guard, you drop your guard, you fences. Yeah, that’s basically what she’s saying when she’s saying I want somebody that’s gonna make me laugh is that I want somebody who’s going to help me drop my defenses. Okay?
Jason Hartman 8:08
All right. Okay, go ahead with what you’re saying.
Dawn Maslar 8:10
So that’s the big one when it comes for a female so that for a guy, that’s his goal is to get her to become comfortable. The other thing that the other neurotransmitter is dopamine, and that’s where you’re excited. So you go out on a date, you’re excited about being with this person. And and if the, if the woman can build up trust in excitement, she’s more likely to fall in love,
Jason Hartman 8:32
okay? And I just want to say something to the listeners before we go in too deep because I don’t want them to, you know, switch off and become distracted. We’re going to talk about the entire spectrum here. So if you’re already in a relationship, or you’re married, keep listening. Okay, go ahead, Don.
Dawn Maslar 8:47
Right, right. Yeah. So we’re just starting from the beginning,
Jason Hartman 8:49
right, chronological.
Dawn Maslar 8:51
For the guy. It’s dope. I mean, again, excitement in but for him, it’s fast. So pressing, so pressing increases when he’s sexually excited. Okay. Unfortunately, it rapidly decreases after orgasm. So, if he has a sexual relationship relatively quickly, he may not fall in love.
Jason Hartman 9:09
So this is why the you know that you hear the thing of, well, we got together and then he never called terrible CAD image that men have, right. So the woman does want to withhold, it’s actually a good strategy for her to withhold not just from a safety standpoint, obviously, and a disease standpoint, I’m sorry, we even have to talk about this. But you know, it’s just the facts of life and a pregnancy standpoint, but it’s actually a better strategy to withhold right? Because then you let the man’s hormones work in your favor if you’re female,
Dawn Maslar 9:43
yes. And if she has sex right away, the oxytocin will skyrocket where she’s more likely to fall in love. So he’s less likely to fall in love with sex, she’s more likely to fall in love and sex. Interesting, interesting. So now that you fall in love parts of your brain deactivate so that can cause some problems. In not only part of your brains the Activate you have these hormonal upheaval in one of the things that happens is that your serotonin which is the hormone of happiness actually drops in it can drop to the level of someone with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. When does this happen once you fall in love, okay, but now we’re already at love. We just got attraction. We got you know the bedroom, then we got love. There’s something between that though. Well, the building up of the neurotransmitters is that what I was talking about? So when you first building up, that’s where the guy needs to build the trust. I’m just going kind of quickly. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. No, I understand that building up part I calls the dating phase. So hopefully if everything goes together, you build up the neurotransmitters together and you both fall in love together. That’s the ideal situation.
Jason Hartman 10:49
Okay, so how do you do that? Let’s just get through that courtship phase, if you will. And by the way, courtship is all but dead. It’s terrible. Really. Again, that’s the cultural world. in which we live, unfortunately, obviously depends what age you are. But just as a general statement, it’s just changed so much. It’s mind boggling, folks. Your homework is watch old movies and old TV shows how quickly we forget how different the world was just two or three decades or, you know, four decades ago. I mean, it is just a massive shift that has occurred. So feel free to speak to that if you wish, but I want to make sure we got attraction, we got the bedroom, you know, depending on how quickly that all happens. Then we got the sort of more dating and then we’ve hopefully get to love Right,
Dawn Maslar 11:37
right. So the dating part is where we build up those two neurotransmitters. And then for a man, here’s the funny part. It’s the rape before he falls in love, it appears his testosterone drops, and that tends to occur when he commits to a woman. So if a man commits to a woman before he has a sexual relationship, they’re both more likely to fall in love at the same time.
Jason Hartman 12:00
So that’s a good thing then abstinent. Yeah, there’s a lot of philosophers throughout history that said abstinence is good. So there you go. There’s your case. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Can you put any of this into a time context? Or is it just all depends if it’s three weeks, three months, three years, I don’t know, you know,
Dawn Maslar 12:17
it’s going to be a little bit different for each person. The research shows that here’s the funny part, that it also depends on what country you live in, that people in northern countries tend to fall in love quicker. But in the in the United States, it’s usually within two months.
Jason Hartman 12:33
Okay. So in the northern countries, Winter is coming, we better you know, hook up now. So we have someone, you know, to sit by the campfire, you know, okay, so two months in the US two months to fall in love. That’s all it takes real love legitimate love.
Dawn Maslar 12:48
There’s the question, is it really legitimate? Right, right.
Jason Hartman 12:51
That’s why I was going to ask you that. How do you know? Right? Right.
Dawn Maslar 12:55
But what I’m talking about is the brain change that we associate with love. So when you fall in love, you reproduce this brain change where we have this deactivation of certain parts of our brain. So we lose the part of the brain that judges the other person. That’s the ventral medial prefrontal cortex, which judges the other person. So that’s why they say love is blind. So you temporarily lose the ability to see them for who they truly are.
Jason Hartman 13:21
And when does this happen in two months, like
Dawn Maslar 13:24
when you fall in love, so it’s usually like if a woman sleeps with a guy on the first night, she could technically fall in love if she’s excited, and she produces enough oxytocin. So you can’t really I can’t really tell you the exact timetable or pins, but what I can say is, I can take a functional MRI of your brain and tell you if you’re if this is occurred. Mm hmm. So we see parts of your parietal lobe, we see parts of your temporal lobe and we see a part of your brain called the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that sounds the alarm, and those all deactivate. So even if you notice There’s something wrong with the other person. It wouldn’t register because your magdala wouldn’t, wouldn’t go off of it. Yeah, exactly.
Jason Hartman 14:07
Yeah. So so the woman married a crook or a con artist or, you know, got into a serious relationship with them. And, you know, obviously, at some point, their heart might be broken, obviously on that, or a cheater. And well, that’s why I was going to ask you actually, when you mention that earlier, why is it? I mean, the old saying is, you know, women like jerks. You know, these guys, their calves. They’re cheaters. I mean, you know, women cheat emotionally. men cheat more physically, probably, I don’t know, feel free to tell me that. That’s just my perception. But you know, why don’t women fall for these guys guys have been asking that question for eons. You know, he’s a jerk. He’s a cheater. he’s a he’s a crook.
Dawn Maslar 14:46
Okay, so here’s the truth. I’m a female. And I hate to tell you this truth. But here’s the truth. The truth is men are simple. Men are logical in their forthcoming women are not. So what happens is they did a study and they asked the Women. Here’s a guy that drives a Porsche. And here’s a guy that drives a Honda Civic. Who would you like to marry? And the women are like, well, if the car doesn’t really help me any way this the Honda Civic guy seems like he’s practical. That’s probably the best person to marry. And they’re like, Great. Now who would you date? They? Oh, if I’m gonna date I’m gonna date the guy with the Porsche. So how do you ever get to the guy with a Honda Civic if you’re out dating the guy with the Porsche? Mm hmm. So women don’t make any sense
Jason Hartman 15:28
now? Well, would that’s not a surprise. Tell me something. I don’t know. Okay, so what’s the strategy for men and for women based on this? The the way I look, the way we are, has been developed over eons right millennia. What do we both do? What do the genders do to make things work? And we certainly got to get past the two month stage here and talk, you know, more deeply. I mean, you know, we got to talk about marriage and everything. But go ahead.
Dawn Maslar 16:00
Well, I do want to say something. So when we have that brain deactivation, that’s when you fall in love that only lasts for about two years. Okay. After about two years, your brain comes back. Now, Dr. Helen Fisher, who did this original research found that about that time is when the highest amount of divorces occurred in the United States. Okay,
Jason Hartman 16:20
I thought I’ve heard the evolutionary theory that it’s four years, because it’s like, we’ve got to get the kids to the point where they’re somewhat independent, they can walk, they can, you know, get around. Now, obviously, they can do that at two years also, but they it for years, you know, like, I’ve heard that a lot of marriages fall apart at about four years. There is an evolutionary theory about that.
Dawn Maslar 16:40
Well, if you look at her data, she actually talks about four years. But if you look at the data, the highest amount of divorces are actually in the United States or two years. She added in something like Iceland or something that skewed it to four years, but in the United States, it’s okay. You know, what is Mother Nature, I guess it would get the child through First Year is the most difficult. But it makes sense either way, two to four years, it gets the child, if the child is produced by that union, it gets them through the most dangerous part of their life. And they’re more likely to survive in the difficult part comes because critical thinking return. Mm hmm. And that’s where a lot of people can get into trouble and you see a lot of trouble in relationships because all of a sudden, they feel like the love is gone.
Jason Hartman 17:26
Does it return unevenly? For example, that two years does the man Wake Up first is the woman wake up first residents sort of even
Dawn Maslar 17:35
I think it’s sort of even
Jason Hartman 17:36
Okay, then what do we do to fix it? You know, like, like, might look at I’ve never been married, I would like to get married. I would like to have children starting to feel a little bit hopeless, honestly. But, but I’ll tell you, if I were married, I would try to remember that you’ve always got to keep some tension in the relationship. I think women like that i in the past. I don’t know that. I’ve been Very good at that, I think that there needs to be some degree of tension. In other words, another way to say it might not sound good, but you got to kind of game your wife a little bit, you know, and, and and date her forever, probably right. Is that a fair statement?
Dawn Maslar 18:16
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t call I don’t know if I’d call it tension, but I would call it excitement. So we said that dopa mean was one of the neurotransmitters are important in the beginning, it’s important all the way through. So people that stay together, one of the main things that they have is that they tend to look at the positive and the other person, they say, maintain positive illusions of the other. In other words, it may not necessarily be true, with a focus on the good. As soon as you focus on the negative, the relationship is heading downward. Sure, but
Jason Hartman 18:48
I mean, I don’t know I don’t mean to be skeptical. But isn’t that kind of basic? I mean, of course, you should focus on the good isn’t that kind of like, I mean, is there more to that?
Dawn Maslar 18:56
What No, because what happens is if you as the stress builds up, the stresses in the middle part of your brain in when we see later is that love is towards the prefrontal cortex. So your middle part of your brain has the ability to hijack the rest of your brain. So you actually, if you become stressed, you can move away from love quickly. Yeah, it seems like it’s easy, but it’s not as easy to do. Because all of a sudden bills and all this other stuff, you start focusing on the wrong things. And you Next thing you know, your relationship is on the rocks. The thing about dopamine is when you do new and novel things together, and as you said, kept dating your wife or keeping the tension, I guess, if you’re doing new new things together, that keeps the passion alive, right. And passion dying is one of the biggest things that people say is part of the reason that they the relationship ended. And so what’s the specific advice there? I would say part of it, which is fairly simple, hopefully, you know, listeners have the money to do it. I think my listeners do but You know, change your environment a little bit, you know, travel, experience new things. Absolutely. Yeah. What else take a class together learn something new. I mean, it doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be a pottery class, you know, or it could be go to a gym together anything, or even take a walk in a new part of the town in a new park or something. Just do something new and novel that you hadn’t done before. And that helps jump up that dopamine in surprises are the really, really jumped those up to that’s why everybody loves surprises. Okay. What else? Well, Valentine’s day we were talking about chocolate helps increase dopamine strawberries helping so chocolate covered strawberries really helped.
Jason Hartman 20:45
You know, all of our ancestors really figured stuff out for us didn’t. Yeah, I didn’t know I didn’t. I knew that about chocolate. But strawberries. I didn’t know that. Yeah, interesting. That’s fascinating. Okay,
Dawn Maslar 20:57
all those things around Valentine’s Day, actually, the color red associated with Valentine is the most sexually attractive color.
Jason Hartman 21:03
Does that mean you should wear red all the time? I mean, I think Red’s a pretty good color for clothing. Yeah, absolutely. And does it matter which genders wearing the red like, is there? Either way works?
Dawn Maslar 21:15
Yep. Yeah, that’s why you see, you’ll see the politicians with a red tie with the power tie. Right? Not only is it a power tie, but it’s also sexually attracted to you know, but if you’re if you’re doing a dating site, you want to think about that wear a red shirt or red background, and you’re going to get more hits. Interesting, interesting.
Jason Hartman 21:33
Speaking of dating sites, you know, there are so many different permutations nowadays. For our single listeners, do you have any advice or thoughts on all of the different genres of dating sites and methodologies or yours is the online thing even the best thing
Dawn Maslar 21:54
actually most relationships or larger portion are starting online nowadays. So the old bar scene is pretty much out. So a lot of people are just getting even older grandma and grandpa are meeting on. So I think it’s great. And I don’t think anyone, they all have their pluses and minuses. I like the ones that have a little bit more writing to it because you can get to know the person. But I think the main thing is don’t focus so much online and you need to take it offline as soon as possible. So if you’re going to do this, go ahead and meet them meet up for coffee, because your senses actually are, decide what you like. I’ve had women that have been dating online without meeting the person for a while. And I’m like, you don’t even know if you’re going to like them when you meet them in person because we have five senses and only one is in play right now. When it comes to your eyes, but one of our major attraction is our nose. We have something called major histocompatibility complex. That’s we can sense your genetics is this is this a pheromone thing and by way, I remember hearing a news story a few years back about, like dating DNA or something like that where they literally would match people but you take a DNA test. This is getting kind of scary here, obviously, but and they would literally match people up by that I doubt that this has taken off but hate you know, could be in the future is the DNA thing. Like we’ve all heard about pheromones? And you know, are these concepts of like these pheromone colognes and perfumes? Are those legit? Are they just gimmicks? You know? Well, yes, and no. Okay, some are, a lot of them aren’t because the pheromones degrade rapidly. So if you have a perfume that’s sitting on your countertop, the pheromones not going to work very long. If it’s in the freezer, it may be okay.
Jason Hartman 23:46
No. Okay, it degrades because it’s a volatile organic compound. When you see these ads for like these clones and perfumes that are supposedly pheromone based and you know, they all attract To you and all this kind of I mean that’s actually legit if you I mean well you can’t get it you don’t buy it frozen you know it’s not like probiotics come refrigerated so I think all of that
Dawn Maslar 24:12
they’re using a mix they’re using know what they’re using is smells that are associated with sex. So there have you know the Cat Cat know what’s up because that you know that coffee cup away or something? Nope there’s a cat that lives in the jungle somewhere. And they took their anal glands and they basically use that in perfumes. So this is really gross. Okay. Well, it’s called Chanel number five. Oh my
Jason Hartman 24:39
god, are you kidding?
Dawn Maslar 24:41
No. Wow. Now they created synthetic cuvette cat anal glands, but those are used in obsession and all of those really musky smelling ones. That’s where that comes from. So there is some science behind that there’s some biological behind that. Wow. Now, back to The major histocompatibility complex that’s not necessarily a pheromone. It’s part of our immune system. In a woman and a man both consents are the immune system in the air with their nose. And we’re most attracted to people of opposite immune systems.
Jason Hartman 25:16
So one of us will survive. Isn’t that a fascinating? Wow, that’s amazing. That’s a very intentional evolutionary survival program. I guess. That right when so so if your wife is sick, you live and someone’s there to take care of the kids, right? Or vice versa? No, that’s not okay.
Dawn Maslar 25:33
It’s the child that is produced will have a better complement of immune cells.
Jason Hartman 25:38
Oh, okay. I got it. I got it. Okay.
Dawn Maslar 25:41
So they’ll have a larger range because you have opposite immune systems.
Jason Hartman 25:45
So our noses can sense this stuff. And that’s, wow, it’s all subconscious, of course, right. What else do you want us to know about the smell thing?
Dawn Maslar 25:55
What we also are attracted to we are attracted to pheromones. So women are attracted into a metabolite of testosterone. And men are attracted to women that when they’re oscillating, they produce something called copy Lin’s. And that submitted into the air in, he’s attracted to that copy lens, which, as the name implies, is basically saying, hey, let’s calculate, I’m ready.
Jason Hartman 26:21
And what what do we do about that? There’s something is there an action step there?
Dawn Maslar 26:25
No, it’s just gonna be that he’s more likely to be attracted and probably pursue her. So she’s at optimum fertility. And so she’s gonna be attracted to him. So he’s gonna be like, Oh, okay. Hello. You’ve probably been there before and I know I have you’re walking down the street. Women have been they’re walking down the street and like everybody’s attracted to this one week. And then the next week you can’t even hail a cab like nobody’s paying attention to you.
Jason Hartman 26:49
What is that for women, though only or is that happened with men to
Dawn Maslar 26:53
the women produce the copy lens. Okay, men produce a metabolite of testosterone that women find it tractive but they’re going to be, again, they’re going to be attracted to a particular metabolite of testosterone. So it’s going to be different for each woman. So if you’re closer, genetically, you’re going to be less attracted to the guy. So like, I had a woman say that she can’t stand this her son’s smell. When she goes in to do his laundry. She’s like, oh, he I just can’t stay the way he smelled those clothes smell. It’s like, yeah, cuz you’re, you’re half him. You’re too close. Genetic, right?
Jason Hartman 27:26
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So if you live in, you know, one of these places where people are marrying their cousins, you know, there’s a lot of birth defects and stuff,
Dawn Maslar 27:33
right? Yeah, nature doesn’t want you to do that. Yeah, those are deterrence.
Jason Hartman 27:37
But does it go as far I’ve always had this theory about, like, I have dark hair and I have brown eyes, right. And I like women that are both blondes and brunettes. But I think I’m about 10% more attracted to blondes if you just add all things being equal, which they of course never are, but I have a slight blonde preference, you know, and I I mean, you hear this from a lot Man, is that true? like is that nature’s way of diversifying the gene pool that you’ll be attracted to your opposite in look?
Dawn Maslar 28:07
Yes, yeah, we’re genetically going to be more attracted to the opposite. But the thing is that you’re probably going to be most attracted to somebody on the complete opposite of the world. Unfortunately, you also have to have a couple things in common. So we’re attracted to a combination of opposite and familiar. So if you don’t have anything in familiar, you might be momentarily attracted, but it won’t be a long term relationship. Now, the other theory about a blonde is that I’m a blonde. And the theory is that you can tell health better on a blonde. Mm hmm. So this is I mean, this is just one of those theories that are out there, but supposedly because of the blondes have lighter skin. We can’t cover up any illness. Why the darker your skin is sometimes you can cover up more illness because I got the flesh cheeks. Oh, okay. You know, you can see the eyes right away. Interesting. That’s the theory. So you A man is going to be attracted to a woman based on health. Oh,
Jason Hartman 29:04
sure. Yeah, that’s that’s a hip to waist ratio, the golden ratio.
Dawn Maslar 29:08
Sounds good abilities, right? So you’re looking for somebody who even if you’re older, you’re still going to be looking for somebody who you’re going to be naturally attracted to somebody who’s in good reproductive health, potentially.
Jason Hartman 29:21
So women stop criticizing them for that. It’s just it’s not their fault. Okay. It’s biological. Right? Right. Yeah. Okay. So that’s interesting, but you didn’t finish your thought on the certainly, like opposites attract in terms of look, you did agree with that. So you know, Taylor Swift, I just don’t have the hots for her blond hair, blue eyes, right. Versus my dark hair and brown eyes. What about the in common thing like you said, you have to have some things in common, but you didn’t expand on that thought.
Dawn Maslar 29:50
Okay. So attraction is both different and familiar. So you have to have certain things that are familiar. Unfortunately, familiar doesn’t mean in common. So Failure could mean dysfunctional family upbringing. Ah, okay.
Dawn Maslar 30:06
The next thing you know, it’s like, you know, dad’s an alcoholic. you’re attracted to Mr. alcohol.
Jason Hartman 30:10
Oh, wow. Yeah,
Dawn Maslar 30:12
that’s the familiar. And that’s going to be subconscious. One of the things that you can do is if you notice that you’re doing that if you can become more conscious of it, you can break that pattern. But you’re still going to be you still have to have certain things that are kind of in common. And you know, you’ve been there, you’ve gone into a place you met somebody and you’re like, hey, oh, you’re from the same state. Yeah. And you start talking. But
Jason Hartman 30:34
that is true of everything in human life. I mean, people like people who are like them, right? Exactly. You know, that’s not surprising, though. Right?
Dawn Maslar 30:43
Right. So you have to have a combination for that spark of attraction when it comes to dating. You have to have certain things in common. But then you also have to have the opposite of immunity. Or at least genetically,
Jason Hartman 30:56
is there a way you can know that other than, I mean, what a D. In a test will tell you that
Dawn Maslar 31:01
it’s actually your immune system. So you would have to do immune cells. But yeah, you can do a test for it. That’s fascinating.
Jason Hartman 31:08
Wow. You know, so
Dawn Maslar 31:10
just because you’re opposite doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to be attracted to that person.
Jason Hartman 31:14
Mm hmm. Okay. Oh, so that that is a requirement to have attraction, I guess. And we’re talking about long term attraction. But it’s not. It doesn’t mean that if you have that you will be attracted. Right?
Dawn Maslar 31:26
It’s because it’s a mix. Yeah. You got a mix a familiar and opposites how the mix levels out? You never know, it’s really difficult to when I was doing this work, I was actually looking for the formula. But there’s really no formula. You know that as a scientist, you’re like, Okay, if I do a B, and I get this, it doesn’t really work that way. Makes
Jason Hartman 31:47
sense. Makes sense. Don, we got to wrap it up. But I just want to ask you, where is this all going? What will the future look like if you fast forward 10 years, 20 years. It’s quite fascinating that we really are figuring out the science of love. What will be down the road? I think we’ve kind of talked about some of these a little bit. We’ve alluded to it, but I’m just super curious about it. And of course, give out your website and tell people where they can get your books and so forth. And you’ve got a few books, I think,
Dawn Maslar 32:17
yes, my website is Dawn Maslin, calm, da, Ws, MSL ar. And I think the future is one, the more we get to know about love, the less likely we are to make mistakes. So one of the things I found is that love at first sight is a farce. It’s just mother nature’s way of getting you in a bed together. And that’s a big mistake people make so I think if people realize that love is more love is deeper than that, that they take the time to get to know each other, then they can have a long term loving relationship. And you know, the real love doesn’t start until two years down the road. And a lot of people give up on the relationship way before they ever get to true love. And you
Jason Hartman 32:59
know what i I would bet that that’s a pretty common timeframe in life. You know, you date for a year you get engaged, you get married. And you’re right, you’re literally taking your wedding vows. Right about divor date that two year point. That’s, that’s interesting. Very fascinating. So where are we going? Like, what will the future look like? Is this going to become some sort of futuristic sci fi movie of scientific dating, you know, like that dating DNA website? And also, you know, what, what else does it mean for people in a relationship people who are married now, I mean, you know, they’re probably guessing like, Am I really compatible with my spouse? You know, is there hearing this? So just any, any thoughts you have there, and we’ll wrap it up.
Dawn Maslar 33:43
Well, if you’re already together, yes, you’re compatible. I mean, you heard eat together.
Jason Hartman 33:47
You got that far. Okay.
Dawn Maslar 33:48
Yeah, the real thing is, is really the way you think about it. And that’s what the research shows that after the two years, what you think about is really the big the focus is the critical part. So if you put your time and effort into the relationship, you’re going to have a wonderful loving relationship. But if you’re critical, or if you are judging, then is going to decrease the satisfaction of the relationship. So I think once people understand that, it’s not the other person, it’s really your own mind. No, no. If you make up your mind to be in a great relationship, you can have one.
Jason Hartman 34:26
Yeah, well, that’s so true of everything in life, you know, we become what we think about and our thoughts affect our environment. There’s no question about that, you know, Earl Nightingale and Napoleon Hill and all these thinkers and, you know, back to Scripture, really do you know, thousands of years ago, right? They had it right. They did have it right. They’ve been telling us that forever. So, Don, thank you so much for joining us. This was a fascinating discussion. Thank you.
Dawn Maslar 34:48
Thank you, Jason. Thank you for having me.
Jason Hartman 34:51
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